Orange Street News



By Hilde Kate Lysiak

I don’t know where I am. I mean I
know where I am, but I don’t know
where I am. As I walked down the
street I felt a sense of doom. It’s
early, too early for anyone to be
awake. The sun is just coming up,
and it feels strange not being in
complete darkness.
When I looked at the houses around
me I felt my heart racing faster. I
didn’t know why I was nervous, but
at the same time I knew exactly why
I was nervous. I have been walking
for nearly an hour and I didn’t see
anything tout of the ordinary.

Everything was so normal that it felt
strange, almost eerie.
I don’t know why, but I woke up in the
middle of the night and needed to walk. I
feel like I am looking for something, I don’t
know what. I feel like there is something
right in front of me that is so obvious and
everyone can see it except me.
When I walked more the eeriness turned to
fear. I turned around and started walking
towards my house as fast as I could.
I still remember what I went through so
clearly, I wish I couldn’t. The things I have seen.

I can’t unsee, objects moving by
themselves, the blood streaming down
my face after an object hit my face.
When I got home I sat on the cold floor.
My house felt empty and unfamiliar. I
had just moved in a few weeks ago, but I
didn’t feel motivated enough to furnish it.
All I had in my house was a bed in my
room and that was it. The house was
small, but it was a step up. That is what I
have to keep reminding myself. This
might be bad but it wasn’t nearly as bad
as before.
I am lucky, I shouldn’t be complaining. I
am lucky to have escaped what I did.
What I went through was bad. I escaped
it now, but I don’t feel relived like I
should. In fact, I might feel more on
edge, like I’m walking on egg shells afraid
that if I make on wrong move my entire
life will come clashing down.
I think I might miss my old life as weird
as that sounds. I know I shouldn’t
considering what I went through then,
but I miss getting coffee with my best
friend, Amanda, every morning and working an annoying costumer service

Now I would give anything to have
it back.I want to scream. I didn’t
appreciate it and now its to late, whats
done is done. Its hard to put into the
words such an extreme feeling of regret,
I can’t go back and there is nothing I
can do, I don’t know what else to say
but that things are messed up. There is
nothing I can do, it feels unfair. I just
want it back. Right now I would give
anything to be getting coffee with
Amanda right now. Now that I am
thinking about it, I wonder what she
thinks of me now. She probably thinks
I’m crazy.

The last time I saw her I had
blood streaming down my face. I tried.
I told her everything but of course she
doesn’t believe me. She just looked at
me and asked what I did to myself, are
you kidding me? I had the knife in my
hand out of self defense, I swear. I am
not crazy. What happened after that

I can’t remember. I’m not crazy.
I mean if she thinks I am crazy was she really even my friend? Is it crazy that I am
thinking about that now when I have so much more to worry about? I don’t know. I
don’t want to. Think about any of that right now, but what else am I supposed to
think about? I don’t know.
I don’t know what I am supposed to do, I have always thought that sometimes it is
okay not to know, but now it’s different. I know I am supposed to feel relived that I
am out of it, but instead I feel like I am running out of time.
As I felt my feet getting cold from hard floor. My body became colder and colder until it wasn’t anymore. Suddenly it stopped. I felt warm, I felt as if I was sitting on a bed.

I was.

Now I was in a small room with a bed and couch in a corner. All I heard was a woman sitting on the couch with a Amanda saying nervously, You’re awake, I had to do it I’m sorry, I want you to get help.

Then I knew exactly where I was.

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This entry was posted on October 6, 2019 by and tagged , , , .

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